Here is Chapter 1-3 of the no-fluff content that allows you to
visualize and test your knowledge on using each step toward an Identity-first ability
toward goals.
1
The Myth of Discipline:
Why You’re Already Who You’re Meant to Be
Story Hook:
When I was 19, I met a man who woke up every day at 4:30 a.m., worked out, meditated, and
owned a business. I thought he was the most disciplined man alive. Years later, I learned his secret:
“This isn’t discipline,” he told me, “this is just who I am. The habits came with the identity.”
Principle:
Discipline is not the root of success… it is the side effect of alignment with one’s true
Identity.
Insight:
That conversation shattered my belief that discipline was the magic ingredient for success.
Exercise:
1. List 3 people you admire and instead of writing what they do, write who they are.
2. Journal: If I already had the life I want, how would I be…
AJS Experience:
I looked for my own personal habit that declared who I was without thinking. Ever since I was
a young boy, I’ve always shown up early for events; my team games or practices, when I worked
for others, when anyone needed my assistance, when I had a small business for 25 years. It is just
who I am… if I am supposed to be somewhere, I have always shown up early. And as the saying
goes… “If you’re right on time, you’re late.” I’m not sure where I learned it, but it has always been
a part of me. There are other personal habits I do, but this is just to help you find maybe even the
smallest of ways you used to be and bring them forward.
Bridge to the Next Chapter:
Once you realize that discipline is not the starting point, you start wondering: If it’s not
discipline I need, then what is it? That’s when you notice the quiet hum beneath all of the noise…
the self you’ve been ignoring. The next step is learning how to hear it again.
2
The Forgotten You
Unlocking the Identity Beneath the Noise
Story Hook:
In a crowded airport, I saw a woman sketching in her notebook with a calm, focused smile. She
told me she used to be an architect before “life got busy.” For the first time in ten years, she had
picked up a pencil. “I didn’t realize how much I’d missed myself.” She whispered.
Principle:
The busy life often buries identity, but it never destroys it.
Insight:
This is what happens when life’s demands pile up. We forget the person we were before we
started running on autopilot. The “you” that was there before deadlines, bills and expectations
hasn’t disappeared; it’s simply buried.
Exercise:
1. Write down three childhood passions you abandoned
2. Schedule one hour this week to revisit one… without obligation or pressure
AJS Experience:
A friend and I were talking about purpose in life. He mentioned that most everyone who had
been successful at a young age had been reared by their parents for what their expertise is now.
Think of people like Tiger Woods with golf. Andre Aggasi in tennis, and many others who might
not be athletes, but perhaps tech gurus… they grew up with coding and math and wanting to
formulate their ideas through ones and zeros.
After talking with my friend, I tried to recall what I loved and was passionate about earlier in
life. Within the next few days, my mother called and asked what I wanted her to do with the bag
of storiesI’d written since I was little. BAM! I always loved storytelling. Writing stories has always
been an intricate part of me. I actually possess the first story I ever typed back in 1968. Teachers
always loved my stories in high school, but the sad fact is that not one teacher ever mentioned I
should go to college and fine-tune my writing abilities.
Bridge to the Next Chapter:
Remembering glimpses of your original self is like finding a photograph from another lifetime.
But even when you reconnect with it, the world will still tell you discipline is the key. That’s where
the next truth comes in: discipline is just a shadow, and shadows have no life of their own.
3
Discipline Is the Shadow
Not the Source
Story Hook:
A friend of mine trained for a marathon without missing a single run. People called him
“disciplined.” He shrugged, “I’m not disciplined… I’m a runner. It’s just what I do.”
Principle:
Identity is the root and discipline is the shadow. Without the root, the shadow vanishes.
Insight:
Most people treat discipline like the trunk of a tree, but it’s actually the shadow cast by the
roots… your identity. The shadow disappears without the root which is why forced discipline
rarely lasts.
Exercise:
1. Identify a habit you’ve tried to force but can’t sustain.
2. Ask… who would I need to be for this habit to feel natural.
AJS Experience:
When I was 30 years old, I went for a full year without eating any sugar… candy bars and other
junk. I was literally forcing myself to be disciplined and from someone who craved sugar night
and day… it was probably the most difficult thing I’d done to that point. Come the end of the
year… I went right back to buying candy bars. I couldn’t sustain something my subconscious
desperately wanted and needed. I fed the beast. It was later, while writing the book, Harley Speaks,
An Introspective Conversation for Men and Women, that I found my attachment to sugar and how
it was a response mechanism to making me feel safe… like the world was going to be okay. As I
continue to write, I find many sources of patterns I developed since childhood. I suggest if you
find a habit you can’t seem to break, then write about your first experience with that habit/pattern
and perhaps you’ll find an ulterior reason it exists.
Bridge to the Next Chapter:
When you see discipline for what is, a shadow of identity, the real work shifts from chasing
habits to nourishing the root. And nourishing the root isn’t about creating a new you; it’s about
removing the masks so the original you can breathers.